


The First Annual Medieval Land Fun-Time World Employee Talent Show

by Missy



Category: Medieval Land Fun-Time World (Video)
Genre: Crack, Families of Choice, Gen, Humor, Talent Shows
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-25
Updated: 2014-12-25
Packaged: 2018-03-03 09:33:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2846273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missy/pseuds/Missy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eddie holds the first annual Medieval Land Fun-Time World Employee Talent Show.  And it goes about as well as you imagine it would.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The First Annual Medieval Land Fun-Time World Employee Talent Show

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kaesa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaesa/gifts).



The idea had struck like a lightning bolt while he was in line for the john. It was a brilliant idea, he reasoned easily, no matter where it had sprung to life. It festered and grew as he spent all day keeping an eye on the refreshment stands and making sure Bobby D hadn’t tried to re-enter the jousting tournament. He waited until the final banquet of the night, and waited for everyone to finish eating before rapping his palm against the table and calling for his employee’s attention. 

“Attention! Attention guys!” He clanged a fork against his water glass until he’d finally commanded their notice. He solemnly reminded himself of the finger-painting college; no way in hell was he going back, not now. With the hall quiet, he turned his smile upon the crowd. “All right!” Eddie said. “I’ve been trying to think up a neat bonding exercise and I thought – talent show! Why not a talent show! So let’s make this the best employee talent show ever. Be there, be early and be sure to have everything you need. But we can’t afford extra fish and the curtains aren’t flame-retardant so please, no fire acts!”

The crowd grumbled their assent, but Eddie tried to keep a hopeful look on his face. Medieval Land Fun-Time World had survived its first month of existence, and there had only been two grease fires, one runaway horse and one brawl. He knew that if he kept them all working together like a somewhat solidly oiled machine that had lost its shock protector. His main goal at this point was to stay the course, for Eddie knew that if morale remained at a decent level and they managed to avoid blowing the park up he had a real chance of keeping his position. Heck, if he kept at it at this pace, he’d never have to go back to the finger painting college and little Beth would have her toenail operation done and over in no time. 

Terry, naturally, was the first one to present him with an act. Eddie had no idea how the man’s mind moved as quickly as it did, but within twenty four hours he had something worthy of auditioning with. He even came with his own electric lute.

“So what are you going to be playing for us?” Eddie asked.

“I’ve got the blues in my soul man, ya dig?” asked Terry. “I see Muddy Waters in my dreams.” He strummed the instrument’s strings and fiddled again with his amp.

“Cool, but what’s your song….” Eddie was cut off.

“It’s called Vader’s got a Big Big Booty.” Terry stepped away from the mic and added, “This is the double-soul remix. It’s got two souls and some reverb down the spine.” 

“Uh, I’m not sure that’s all-ages appropriate,” said Eddie.

“You got a thing against Vader booty?” asked Terry sharply.

“Not really, but I don’t think…”

“They’re gonna love this, you got it? Love it.”

“No,” Eddie said quickly. “But just, you need to keep it frosty, okay? I just want you to keep it family friendly. My daughter Mandy’s coming to this thing.”

“Sweet,” muttered Terry, fingertips scraping the lute. He promptly charged right into the song. “Vader’s got a big booty….he likes to dance it ‘round.”

“Oh boy,” muttered Eddie.

“Vader’s got a big booty! He likes to dance it round! Don’t be messin’ with Darth Vader, or he’ll be Force choking you like a clown.”

Terry got through the rest of the song without any major calamity. When it was over and done, Eddie said, “it’s kind of borderline. Can you replace ‘booty’ with ‘butt’?”

“Yo, you’re messing with my art! I ain’t changing nothing in my music for no sucker, you see?”

“Okay. I’ll put you on at ten o’clock.” Hopefully far enough away from impressionable ears that he wouldn’t be subjected to his ‘inventive’ music stylings.

“Cool cool cool,” said Terry. “I’ll check you on the flip. Take care of this amp.” He patted the small green vox lovingly. “She’s my one true love, dig?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I dig.” Eddie rubbed his sweaty forehead as Terry rushed off. He absolutely was afraid to find out what the rest of his employees’ hidden talents were.

*** 

“How have the auditions been going?”

Mark, the curly-haired young wannabe theatre manager who was one of the park’s main jousters, rushed to catch up with Eddie as he strolled through the bailey of the main castle, dragging his genuine-metal-because-authenticity-is-important sword and shield behind him.

“Awful,” said Eddie. “Petey tried to juggle live mice onstage and I think I stepped on one getting rid of him. It hasn’t been much better since then. At least Denise brought her poetry. I think I could use her between Terry and Susie. She said she had some kind of fan dance act but she’s waiting for her ostrich feathers to come from Japan.”

“Dude, why did you do that?! Have you heard Denise’s poetry? It sounds like Sylvia Plath and Kate Bush had a baby and ran it through a food processor.” Mark said.

“Hey, I’ve got a lot of faith in Denise,” said Eddie. “Remember the scarf dance she did for the company picnic?”

“Yes. But so do the Johnsons!”

“Damn it, Mark, that’s a sealed court case!” He sighed. “Do you have a talent?”

“I can stand on my chin.”

“You mean your head?”

“No, my chin. Do you think I could be in it?”

Eddie took a second to consider it before agreeing. “Okay, you’re on after Denise.” That said, Eddie hefted his sword over his shoulder and marched determinedly into the throne room.

*** 

Four hours later, as Eddie hosed down the plaster of paris side of the main castle, he wished Denise had stuck with fan dancing. Fire baton twirling poetry recitals were entertaining but definitely too dangerous to be performed indoors.

Denise danced around the sparks, trying to toss ice cubes into the fray. “Life’s a firebug!” she shouted at Eddie. “Let your heart light shine.”

“Everyone stay back!” Eddie yelled. “I have this…” But up came Terry with a fire extinguisher, which he applied liberally to the flames. It went out with a belch of black smoke. “…handled. Thanks, Terry.”

“S’no big, homeskillet,” he said.

Eddie eyed the damage they’d done as he watched firemen skitter around the grounds. “Guess the talent show’s over.”

A murmur of disappointment went up from the crowd, to his amazement. Terry’s voice was the loudest of course. “Hey, I got a solution to your ish. Like I told this fly girl I met at summer camp, let’s do it outside, y’dig?”

“Is everyone sure they want to do that?”

The murmur turned to a roar. Hey, if they wanted to be gluttons for punishment, who was he to judge? They made a semi-circle out in the parking lot and continued along with the show.

While Mark performed his chin-up, Eddie’s daughter rested her head against her father’s chest. “The show’s almost not-lame, dad.”

“We’ll get you those new toenails yet, hon,” he said. 

Eddie felt a surge of pride. The motley gang before him may have been weirdoes – but they were HIS weirdoes, as long as he reigned here.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my favorite five-minute fandom of the year and I couldn't resist treating you in it! Hope I captured the fun successfully.


End file.
